Believe

To believe is to place one’s trust in someone or something. You can believe in a being or place even if they can’t be seen by human eyes, though skeptics call this foolishness. Children believe in the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny. Some believe in parallel universes and extra terrestrial beings. I believe in a God who came to earth several millennia ago just so He would understand my pain and die a horrendous death only to be resurrected so that today, here, and now, I could know Him. I’m delusional, some say. “Whatever helps you deal with life”, others say. I don’t think I can ever explain the depth of my relationship with God, but it’s not hard to believe in Him – it’s not hard to love Him. To quote one of my favorite Christmas movies, The Santa Clause , “seeing isn’t believing; believing is seeing.” I have seen the hand of God at constant work in my life. Talk to any physician specializing in my diagnosis and they’ll tell you there is no medical answer as to how I’m still alive and am the most functioning patient they have. Why is it that some (not all) terminal patients who believe in a higher power have a higher quality of life as well as a longer life expectancy? There are scientific studies on this, look it up. And I know what some are thinking: how can she love God in her condition? My question to that is, how can I not?

To believe in God is one thing. Many people, if asked, will say that they do believe in God. It’s a whole other thing to believe that God is good; but take it one step further and choose to believe God is good to me. Or you. Because He is, and if we only open our eyes to see His unyielding grace, the act of believing is as easy as the act of breathing (says the girl on the ventilator. HA! Anyway, you get the picture.). It is then obvious that God is faithful and in control of all. And in believing, we are given a sense of purpose and peace, even when trials come. Everything happens for a reason if you believe in a sovereign God.

The year 2017 was a very difficult one for me, filled with more pain than I can say. I thought 2016 was rough, but it was a cake walk compared to this past year, which I truly feel was harder than the previous fifteen years combined from a medical perspective. I used to boast that I can handle anything, and Satan has sure enough put that to the test. I can’t count the number of nights I’ve cried myself to sleep from the pain. I don’t understand the reason for this current storm, but I’m certain that one day I will. Come Hell or high water I believe in the goodness of God and will persevere. I will be going to John Hopkins Medical Center tomorrow morning for surgery to move my feeding tube to a different location in my stomach in hopes of relieving severe pain that I’ve been dealing with for several months. We have tried every other option and nothing has worked. Nevertheless, I still believe God will bring deliverance as He always has.

In a world where people refuse to believe that which they cannot see and don’t value their fellow man, believing is a difficult practice to exercise. People are cruel and demeaning and enjoy crushing the spirit of believers, but the ones who remain steadfast in following Christ shall be rewarded in eternity. Life is hard but God is good, and He takes care of His children like the good father He is. Hold fast, dear one, for some day, you will look back on all God has brought you through and smile knowing there is no better place to be than in His will. Did God promise to never leave those who love Him? Did He promise to strengthen the weak? Did He promise to make you shine like the sun and hold you in the palm of His hand? Yes He did. And if God said it, you can believe it.

Until next time!

4 thoughts on “Believe

  1. Amber you r an inspiration to everyone who crosses your path. I know I was blessed. Your words are so true. If everyone could believe in our glorious God what a great world it would be. Prayers sent to you,your family and the doctors. Bless you! You got this girl!!!!❤️

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  2. Once again, your words beautifully glorify our precious Lord as you describe His faithfulness and His goodness to you in every situation and every single moment of your life. Herein is an open invitation to the naysayers to know Him as you know Him as well as an encouragement to all believers to draw nearer and find comfort on stormy seas.

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  3. Amazing encouragement to anyone who reads your words! I am so thankful you started blogging! What a blessing you are to me! I’m praying for you and your surgery today!

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